More than Friends
by diamonddust17
Summary: A different Chryed fic. Basic premise is: Syed and Christian are the same age 7 - I did say it was different! and live next door to each other. They're best friends but after *something* happens between them, Syed moves away. They meet 20 years later...
1. It started with a kiss

Chryedians please don't throw rocks at me for changing the canon!

I hope this is *somewhat* enjoyable, I wrote it on a whim. If you hate it/me (:P) feel free to review and tell me.

This is a bit of a work-in-progress.

Anyway, I'll shut up now.

Dedicated to the lovelies on the WFCTGIO thread.

* * *

'You're my best friend Sy-Sy.'

'No. You're _my _best friend Christian.'

The two boys smiled at each other as they sat side by side in the sandpit. The playground was completely deserted but for them.

'Are you coming to my birthday party tomorrow Syed?'

Christian was turning 7 tomorrow. He had many friends but the only friend he wanted at his party was sitting next to him. He and Syed had been friends since they were 2 years old, their friendship beginning the very day Syed's mother had moved in next door to Christian.

Syed furrowed his brow, looking much older than his tender years. 'Dunno, Christian. I want to but I don't know if my mum will let me.' For some reason, Syed's mother, Zainab had taken an active dislike to Christian. Syed didn't know why his mother seemed to think Christian wasn't a good enough playmate for him, so the only way they could see each other was at school. Or after school in this instance. Christian's face fell. 'Oh.'

'But don't worry, I'll get you a really good present, I promise.'

Christian pouted. 'I don't want a present. I just want my best friend at my party.'

'Close your eyes.'

'Why?' Christian peered at Syed suspiciously. 'You're not going to throw sand at me are you?'

Syed smiled impishly. 'Would I do that?'

'_Yes!' _

'Do you trust me?'

Syed moved close to Christian.

'Er...'

'Fine. No present for you.'

'I thought you were going to _get _me my present. I didn't think you'd already _got _it!'

'It's not a present I have to _buy_, silly!'

'What is it then?'

Quick as a flash, Syed sidled up to Christian and kissed him on the lips, making a loud smacking noise.

'Errugh!' Christian wiped his lips. 'Why did you do that?'

'Because you're my best friend.'

'Best friends don't kiss!'

'Yes, they do. My mum says her and Aunty Bushra are friends and they kiss on the cheeks so because you're my _best friend _I have to kiss you on the lips!'

Christian considered that for a moment. Looking at Syed with a comically serious expression, he steadied Syed's face with his hands and inched closer to him. Syed watched him, trying to gauge what he would do next. Not taking his eyes off Syed, Christian pressed his lips on Syed's, their eyes both closed now. They sat like that for a few seconds until...

'Syed! What are you doing?' Zainab ran up to the boys, who jumped apart.

'Nothing.' Syed mumbled, sheepishly.

She grabbed Syed by the arm, roughly.

'Mu-uum, you're hurting me!'

'What were you and that boy doing?' She glared at Christian. 'I told you not to associate with him-'

'We weren't doing anything wrong.' Christian protested. 'I was just telling him he was my best-'

'Quiet you!' Zainab growled. 'We'll see what your mother has to say about this, shall we?'

She frogmarched Syed towards the direction of their house, Christian trailed behind, his face flushed. Syed shot Christian a confused look, when his mother was distracted with muttering under her breath. Christian shrugged, clearly equally confused. Syed got the feeling they'd been caught doing something very, very wrong... it hadn't felt wrong at the time, it had felt natural, showing his best friend he cared. But judging by his mother's grip on his arm, it _was _wrong. He felt a deep sense of shame and revulsion at himself. He hated his mother's disapproval.

They arrived. Zainab banged on Christian's front door. 'Linda! Linda!'

'Alright, alright, I'm coming-' Distant mumbling and groaning was heard as Linda thumped down the stairs and opened the door. 'What do you want Zainab?'

Christian looked down. Relations were frosty between his mother and Syed's. He didn't know why, he'd heard his mother muttering about how Zainab thought she was too good for them.

Zainab pushed Christian in front of his mother. 'Go on. Tell her.'

Christian stayed silent.

'Fine I will. I went to pick Syed up from the school playground and I saw them _kissing_!'

Syed dragged his feet on the floor, kicking a pebble.

Linda didn't even blink. 'Zainab, they're _kids _for God's sake. They were just playing! It was entirely innocent.'

'Innocent? _Innocent? _Your son seduced my boy. Do you know how many other boys he's done that to?'

'Excuse me?' Linda folded her arms, '_Seduced? _What are you trying to say about my son?'

Zainab pushed Linda aside and walked into the house. 'Where do you think you're going?' Linda called, as she followed her, seemingly forgetting about the two bewildered boys outside.

They looked at each other in silence.

'Christian? Was what I did bad?'

Christian shrugged. 'I don't think so. Do you?'

Syed shrugged. 'No.' He sighed. 'But our parents are acting like we've done something really bad...'

Christian saw Syed's eyes water and hugged him. 'It will be ok.'

Syed sobbed into Christian's shoulder. 'I was just trying to show you... you are my best... friend...'

'Arrrrgh!' Zainab's scream made the two boys jump apart once again.

'You see!' She shouted at no-one in particular. Linda was still inside the house, frantically talking to her husband.

She grabbed Syed. 'You two are not to associate _again! _Do you hear me?'

'-But' Syed protested.

'But nothing! Now come on...'

She pulled Syed to their front door, slamming it shut.

Syed managed a quick apologetic glance at Christian before the door closed.

Linda came out, her face stony. 'Christian. In. NOW.'

'But Mum, you said it wasn't wrong...'

'I said that to HER. What you did was very wrong!' She grabbed Christian by the ear and hauled him inside, ignoring his shouts.

* * *

The Masood household was pandemonium personified.

'I told you Mas! I told you not to let those two boys be friends. But no, you said, they're just boys, you said...They were _KISSING!'_

Syed sat in between his parents, his tears yet to dissipate.

'Syed.' Mas said, gently. His eyes belied his voice, they were- Syed gulped- full of fury and disappointment. 'It is clear we haven't taught you what is hallal and what isn't. Do you know what homosexuality is?'

The word was long and complicated sounding. Syed nodded, hoping his father would spare him his anger if he knew what the horrible sounding word meant, then halfway through the nodding motion, shook his head, realising prematurely his father would still be disappointed in him whether he knew what it meant or not.

'Homosexuality...' His father said the word slowly, 'is when- how do I put this?- a boy likes a boy.'

'But-' Syed was confused. 'I like you Dad, and Uncle Inzaman and-'

'No Syed. It's different. You kissing Christian was different to the way you'd kiss me or Uncle Inzaman. You kissed Christian the way I would kiss your mother or the way two people who are in love would.'

'But I do love Christian, he's my best friend-'

'No!' Syed jumped as Masood banged on the coffee table.

'Syed, you know when a man loves a woman, they give each other special seeds and make a baby?'

Syed squirmed uncomfortably. 'Yes.'

'Well, the way you kissed Christian was the way a man would kiss a woman, in the way where they would make a baby.'

'I don't understand...'

'What your father is trying to say Syed, is that it is haram.'

Syed gasped. He had only heard the word 'haram' uttered with the deepest disgust at the most cardinal sins.

'You will go to hell if you kiss another boy the way you kissed _him_.'

Syed shivered. 'Will Christian go to hell too?' He didn't want his best friend to get in trouble with Allah because of what he did.

'-Yes'

'-No'

Syed blinked as his mother and father answered the question at the same time with very different answers.

'We do not judge Christian.' Masood said softly, ruffling his son's unruly hair. 'But in our faith _you – _and your mother and I- have to heed the rules Mohammed the prophet and Allah says we should live by. Do you understand?'

He didn't but Syed nodded all the same.

'Good. Now go to bed Syed.'

'But it's only 4:30... and I haven't had dinner.'

Zainab interjected. 'Think of this as a preview of what will befall you if you carry on with your behaviour.'

'Zainab!' Masood hissed at his wife.

Syed hung his head and dragged himself up to his room.

* * *

I repeat... PLEAAAASE don't hate me!

R&R por favour!


	2. Never thought it would have come to this

Grown up Christian is a bit of a dick. Imagine Christian when he first arrived on the square. He's like that but even more mercenary. Don't worry guys, he will become the Christian we know and love. He just has to meet his match. :P

I'm not too sure about this chapter but if I don't post it now, I probably never will.

Don't read if you are offended by racial slurs (not my opinion at all) or mature themes.

Things will be hotting up as the story goes on.

Please R&R and tell me if you think I've totally ruined this fic.

I don't own C+S (unfortunately.) I _do _own Rob. But I don't want him, he's icky! :P

Anyway, I'll shut up now. Without any further ado...

* * *

Never thought it would have come to this

'Hi.'

Christian ran up to Syed. Syed's face lit up, though he replaced his smile with a grimace.

'Hey.' Syed replied, not looking Christian in the eyes.

'I missed you at my party.' Christian tried, his face fell when he realised Syed's face was impassive.

'Sorry.' He couldn't have sounded more apathetic if he tried.

They walked side by side, not looking at each other. It had been a week since _the incident _ and neither boy was relishing the idea of talking about it.

'Sy, what's wrong?'

Syed turned to face Christian, his mask gone. Christian stared at his friend. Syed looked sadder than Christian had ever seen him.

'NOTHING! Why can't you just leave me alone?' Syed blurted, as he ran towards the treehouse in the playground.

Syed was breathing deeply and tugging at his hair in a way Christian thought was causing him pain.

Christian climbed up the stairs to the treehouse. He had so many memories of them in the treehouse, playing their favourite Pirate game, carving things into the wood... and now his best friend wasn't talking to him.

'Syed.' Syed ignored him and continued tugging at his hair. '_Syed!' _Syed looked at him, belligerently.

'What do you want Christian?' he said, glumly.

'Why don't you want to be friends anymore?' The words came out a garbled rush.

'I'mmovinghouse.' Syed wailed.

'What?'

'I'm moving house. Mum said it would be good for me to move somewhere new and she's found out I'm getting a baby sister so we have to go somewhere else because she doesn't like it here. I don't know why. _I _like it here.'

'Oh.' Christian felt a horrible sensation in his stomach, like he'd been punched. He doubled over. 'So we can't be friends anymore?'

Syed shook his head.

'Oh.' Oh was all Christian felt capable of saying.

'We're leaving tonight.' Syed offered. 'Mum told me not to tell you.'

'I- I have to go.' Christian felt tears fall down his face. His mum always told him boys didn't cry but it hurt him too much to keep his emotions in. He glanced at Syed to see if he was as upset as he was. Syed was playing with his fingers but he wasn't crying. He didn't care.

'-Bye.' Christian choked out, before jumping up and hurrying down the treehouse stairs.

Syed looked at Christian's retreating form sadly. 'Bye.' He mumbled, mourning the loss of his childhood friend.

* * *

**20 years later...**

* * *

'Wow, this restaurant is really something!'

Christian stifled a yawn. His current boyfriend, Rob, was driving him absolutely crazy.

He was smart, good looking, an alright person- on paper he should have been perfect.

That was the problem, he was _too _perfect. Christian craved excitement and passion, not... he bit back a smirk, mechanical sex.

They'd been together for 3 months, the longest Christian had ever been with the same person for. He was mostly with him for the wrong reasons. Rob was a heart surgeon who earned

enough money to take them to places like... well, this. They were in London's hottest new fusion restaurant, that was simply called 'Food'. Despite the name, it wasn't pretentious.

Granted, the _crowd _was, an A list movie star who'd just popped in after a premier in Leicester Square, was behaving like a diva, demanding to sit in a VIP area when there wasn't one.

Christian realised he still hadn't replied.

'It is!' He gushed, genuinely. The decor was amazing, the tables were made of reinforced glass tinted black, there were chandeliers above every table, place settings made of gold leaf and

yet with all the opulence, it still had elegance and class. A waiter came up to them, smartly dressed in a suit, that looked like it was _Hermes_. 'Hello sirs. Would you like to have some

complimentary foie gras as an entree? It's on the house, compliments of the manager.'

Christian suppressed a gasp. Complimentary foie gras? What sort of place _was _this? He dreaded to think of the bill at the end of the night. Before he could answer the waiter, Rob butted in.

'No thank you. We'll have the crispy prawns and a bottle of your finest red.' The waiter nodded and walked off.

Christian glared at Rob.

'What?' Rob asked, his fingers on Christian's knee. Christian jerked away.

'I sort of _wanted _the foie gras.'

'Why? Darling, the crispy prawns are _much _better. I've been here before, remember.'

'That's not the point-' Christian growled.

The waiter came back with two serving platters, one with steaming crispy prawns and a complicated looking chilli dip, that Christian admitted looked amazing, and the other with...

'Foie Gras?' Rob asked, looking at it disdainfully. 'We didn't order that.'

The waiter looked at them apologetically. 'I know Sir, but the manager wants everyone to try it. It's what the restaurant is famous for after all.'

Rob gave the waiter a look that showed what he thought of that. The waiter went pink. Christian hissed, 'Leave it.'

Rob pushed himself up to his full height of 6"2. The waiter paled. 'Please get the manager.' He said, in a dangerously quiet voice.

'Right away Sir.' The waiter practically ran off, casting Rob frightened glances.

'What the _hell _is wrong with you?' Christian glared at his 'boyfriend'.

'I thought you liked having the best. Being _with _the best.' He said pointedly. The man didn't half have a high opinion of himself, Christian thought.

'Well, maybe I'm finding out I don't-'

'Sorry to interrupt.' The manager came up to their table smoothly. Christian started. He recognised him from... somewhere. He couldn't quite place him.

The man turned to Rob. 'I hear you have a complaint? I'm sorry. It's just I'm so proud of our reputation... I apologise sincerely.'

'Yeah, well...' Rob said sullenly.

The man turned to leave and in that moment, Christian was able to see his face up close.

Christian stared. He was absolutely beautiful. His big brown eyes were framed by long eyelashes, his brown skin was more tanned than it must have been naturally- clearly from an

expensive holiday (or very good fake tan), his full lips were carved in a half smile, showing the dimple in his right cheek... Christian _knew _that dimple, those eyes... His long, thick dark hair

reached the base of his neck and was tied in a neat ponytail, his suit hid a lithe, yet athletic frame. Christian realised he was staring.

The gorgeous sophisticate realised at the same time, and flushed darker. He smiled radiantly, as if Christian was his best friend. He opened his mouth as if to say something but closed it again.

Christian was breathless at the sight of him... it had been so long. He'd know that face anywhere.

'Sy?' His name for his old playmate, came out with a life of its own. It sounded like a song on his lips.

Syed peered at him, excitedly. '_Christian? _I thought it was you! I was afraid to ask in case I looked like a weird idiot! It's been so long.'

'20 years. God, Sy, you look good!'

Syed practically _glowed _from the compliment. 'So do you.' Older, he thought. It suited him. He certainly wasn't 7 anymore. His frame was impressively muscular, the shirt not even beginning

to hide the contour of his muscles from view. His hair had darkened from the childhood blonde to a rich brown, the exact shade of the espresso they served. He was tall. Imposingly tall.

He could tell that even while he was sat down. He was attractive. He could say that, he was comfortable enough with his sexuality to say when another man- a friend- was attractive.

It wasn't like he was _gay _or anything. Ok, so he hadn't had many... well, _any _girlfriends but that didn't mean a thing in this day and age. He was waiting... waiting for the right person?

No, no, waiting for the right _woman- _yes, that sounded right.

But, hell, he was gorgeous. He was probably breaking a few laws of childhood friendship for fancying... no! Not fancying. Being curious about his childhood friend.

He was obviously gay. Syed was fine with that. What he wasn't fine with was the guy Christian was with shooting him daggers.

Rob folded his arms, in obvious jealousy, looking from Syed to Christian with angry interest.

Christian ignored him. 'So _you're_ the manager of this place? Impressive.'

Syed smiled modestly. 'It's nothing much.'

'Nothing much? It's one of the best restaurants in the country, let alone in London.' He ran his hands through his hair. 'Gonna give an old friend a hug?'

Rob tutted, but again, Christian ignored him. It was becoming a bit of a running theme in their 'relationship'.

Christian stood up and Syed stepped into his open arms.

They held each other a bit longer than friends normally would. A bit tighter too.

The chemistry they were emitting could be seen by everyone in the vicinity, Rob included.

After, a frankly ridiculous length of time, both their hearts beating unexpectedly faster from the bodily contact, Syed cleared his throat awkwardly.

'It's really good to see you Christian. Listen, I'm going to have to go and sort out some of the staff, but- will you and your friend be around later?'

Rob muttered something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like 'I'm only his boyfriend'.

'Listen, do you have somewhere to be or are you going to hang around all night harassing the customers?'

'I'm sorry for my _ex's _rudeness Syed.' He said the word _ex _so pointedly it couldn't have been more obvious if he had tapped danced and sang the words 'You're dumped'.

Rob snarled. 'You're gonna dump me for a Pa-'

Quick as lightening, Christian's fist landed on Rob's nose.

'Shit!' Rob screamed, blood was pouring out of his nose. Syed looked at him disinterestedly. 'I suppose we should call an ambulance?'

'Guess so.' Christian smirked. 'He's bleeding all over your tablecloth.'

Syed wrinkled his nose. 'That's genuine goldleaf!' He muttered something under his breath about 'an idiot who has the bad taste to bleed on gold'.

Christian laughed. 'What?' Syed asked, innocently.

'Nothing.'

'_Sure_. Christian, I've known you- barring the time I knew you 20 years ago- for approximately just over 5 minutes and I can already tell you're lying.'

'You're a proper Sherlock Holmes aren't you?'

'And who are you? Mrs. Marple?'

'I am bowled over by your wit. How long did it take you to think of that one? Actually, it doesn't even make _sense_! I never said anything to warrant an inane Mrs. Marple comment.

And do I look like Mrs. Marple to you?'

'Can I refrain from commenting on that one?'

'I think you just did.'

They smiled at each other, enjoying their verbal sparring.

'Um. I suppose I should say thanks.' Syed looked at Christian, a half smile on his face.

'For what?' Christian asked, genuinely confused.

'Defending my honour. Or something.' Syed said wryly.

'Isn't that what friends are for?'

'Is that what we are?' Syed stared at Christian intently, causing the bigger man's breath to hitch. What was that? He'd never ever lost his breath over anyone. Ever.

'Bleeding man.' Christian pointed out. Rob was writhing on the floor, attracting quite an audience, including the starlet who was looking like she was close to fainting.

'Stay here. I'll be right back.' Syed the charmer was in full swing. Christian watched Syed move deftly to the star and gesture in a way that clearly appeased her for she wrapped her arms

around Syed and kissed him on the cheek. Christian looked away. He found himself drawn to Syed again as he spoke to his staff who escorted Rob outside and ordered a waiter to

Christian's table, who quickly removed the offending napkin. Syed then walked up to a podium in the centre of the room, a podium that Christian had somehow managed to ignore.

'Ladies and Gentlemen, the restaurant will be closing early. I apologise for any inconvenience as I am aware some of you haven't been served. If you would be so kind as to come back

tomorrow, there will be a day where this restaurant is only open to you who had reservations today, so whether you have had your meal or not, tomorrow, you will receive everything you

order...' He took a dramatic pause and Christian was impressed by the way he commanded the attention of the diners who were mostly celebrities and high-up politicians. 'completely _free _

_of charge_.'

There was a collective gasp in the room, Christian one of the gaspers. He assumed Syed was loaded from the free fois gras but he hadn't realised he was _that _loaded.

Someone started a round of applause. Syed smiled, bashfully, holding two hands up in the air. 'I love you too. Now go!'

The patrons laughed and began chattering excitedly as they filed out of the restaurant. Christian turned to join them but was stopped by a hand on his shoulder. He shivered.

'Not you.' Syed said.

'That was quite a performance out there. When did you learn to schmooze like that?'

The A list movie star who had kissed Syed earlier skipped up to him and placed something in his hand, winked and walked out of the restaurant, looking seductively behind her.

Christian raised an eyebrow. 'Her business card.' Syed supplied, looking bemused.

'Wow.'

'Sit down.' Syed gestured to the chair he had been sitting down earlier.

'My, my, for someone so weedy you're bloody commanding.'

'I am _not _weedy.' Syed glared. A glare from Syed reminded Christian of a puppy growling; ridiculous and very comical.

'Ha!'

'I'm _not_! Just because I don't take obscene amounts of steroids!'

'These babies are 100% natural!' Christian flexed his muscles.

'This is weird.' Syed ran his hands through his hair. 'It's like we're-'

'Old friends?' Christian completed Syed's sentence. 'Well, I suppose we are.'

'So tell me-'

'That sounds ominous!'

'Tell me...' Syed ignored Christian's comment. 'What happened after I moved away?'

'What with my life? God, that's a long story. Well I moped around for a few months, sent you multiple letters over the years-'

'-Which I didn't get.' Syed interrupted. 'My mother...' He made a sound of frustration. 'Did you get mine? I thought you'd forgotten about me.'

'Never.' Christian smiled sadly. 'You were my best friend. My only friend really. And even though we were so young... in many ways you were one of the truest friends I had. While it lasted.'

He cleared his throat and grinned brightly at Syed.

'But anyway... my life, I sent you a few letters, generally rebelled against my teachers and my mothers, realised I was gay- I guess you gathered that? Fell in love, got my heart broken,

left school with no qualifications, pottered around a bit with a million uninteresting jobs, slept around, got bladdered- that's how I met the arse you saw me with, he was the locum doctor

on my case and he took a liking to me. I took a liking to his money and here we are. What about you? Your life is probably more interesting.' Christian gestured at the restaurant.

'Me? Um... well my mother basically watched me like a hawk for the 20 years we've been apart. I moped around too when we got separated, it broke my 7 year old heart. My parents

started a catering business and forced me to work there everyday after school so I didn't do the classic teenage drug taking and sex before marriage. Never mind the fact I was- am- a

devout Muslim, to my mum I was a boy and all boys are the same.' He rolled his eyes.

'Anyway, I found out I was actually _good _at catering. I worked hard in school so I had something to fall back on and unlike you, aced my exams.'

Christian rolled his eyes good-humouredly. 'Went to uni, studied business, did temping jobs for a while to pay the bills, saw an advert for a dishwasher at a middle of the road restaurant,

thought what the hell and took it, worked my way up the levels till I became head chef, the manager retired and promoted me, I took the job- obviously- and took out a loan and

renovated the place. One day a food critic came, must have been rather famous, though I had no idea who he was.

He wrote up a glowing review and word spread and A listers started turning up. I made enough money to pay off the loan, give some money to my parents and open another restaurant in

Paris.

Which I have absolutely nothing to do with but get all the money from.' He grinned. 'And here we are.' He repeated Christian's words.

'Wow. That's pretty amazing.'

Syed shrugged modestly. 'I get by.'

'So. Are you going to take whatsherface up on her offer? She seems a bit stuffy to me.'

'Nah. I don't have time for dating.'

'Don't let your mum let you hear that, she'll be down here in a flash with a book of prospective wives for you if she's anything like I remember.'

'You've got the measure of her.'

'Christian, where do you live?'

'Shit!' Christian jumped up.

'I was only going to ask if you wanted to be dropped off.' Syed said, with a slightly injured expression.

'No, not you! I was living with the guy I dumped. So now, I suppose nowhere. I'll crash out in a friend's pad.'

'Yeah.' Syed stared at Christian a moment too long, a touch too intently. 'Mine.'

'What?' Christian looked at him in shock. 'Are you being serious? Syed, I couldn't, we hardly know each other and I don't want to impose.'

'I insist. It's logical. I have a spare room.'

'Sy- I can't.'

Syed placed a hand on Christian's shoulder. They both jumped at the flow of electricity that stemmed between them. 'Sorry.' Syed looked down, awkwardly.

Christian could see that despite his bravado in talking to people, he was actually very shy.

'Hey.' Christian said, softly. 'It's ok. Why are you so upset?'

'-You can even pay me rent if it makes you feel better. I'd feel bad if I let you crash on a friend's couch when you can sleep in a soft, warm, bed... and sink into luxurious silk sheets and-'

'Ok, ok. I'll stay at yours. Only until I find somewhere else though. I really don't want to impose.'

'Don't be silly, you won't impose. Old friends, remember?'

'Why are you so keen for me to stay at yours? Would have thought you'd value your privacy.' A new thought entered Christian's head.

Maybe this could be good... if he played his cards right, he might be able to get something more than a place to sleep out of this. Money, perhaps.

'Sometimes...' Syed smiled, sadly. 'I get lonely. And-' He brightened. '-I'm looking forward to getting to know you again.'

Was it Christian, or did he hear something just a tad suggestive in that?

'Yeah. Me too.' Maybe he could make Syed fall in love with him and get him to sign over his restaurant? It would be a challenge... but Christian loved challenges.

Syed smiled, his eyes lighting up. 'Then it's settled! I'll just go bring the car over.'

'No... there's no need-'

But Syed had already gone.

He was getting major gay vibes off Syed. That hair. It was too thick and luscious – and long- to belong to a straight guy.

He'd noticed Syed hadn't mentioned a partner in his life monologue. Too busy? Yeah right.

He had to admit, he was attracted to Syed but that was as far as it went. Maybe, he was more good looking than average... Ok. Armani model hot, well apart from the height.

And maybe he happened to be smart, ambitious and witty. And _maybe _he was interesting and remarkably shy and self effacing and could _possibly _be one of the most amazingly genuine

and good-natured people Christian had ever met. And _maybe _he was an old friend. But none of that mattered. Not in the slightest. All that mattered was he was loaded and he probably

wouldn't notice a little money gone, if Christian decided not to play the 'make him fall in love with me and sign over his restaurant to me' game.

Hell, Christian suspected he'd probably _give _him money if he asked.

Yes, they were old friends and they had the whole nostalgia thing but Christian reckoned after a few nights annoying each other with their habits, the nostalgia would dissipate, leaving

only two acquaintances- hopefully sexual acquaintances.

Syed came back, a excited grin on his face. 'Ready?'

Christian nodded and grinned as he prepared to leave.

_What_, he thought, _on Earth had he got himself into?_

_

* * *

_

Dickish Christian pops up at the end there. Using Syed. Pah! I won't let my Syed be used!

Maybe Syed has some using of his own?

R+R

I like reviews as much as I like Chryed. Which is lots. :)


	3. Chapter 3

Sorry for the wait.

Not entirely happy with this but I'm posting it now because I'd leave it on 'My Documents' for years otherwise.

Hope you don't hate it_ too _much!

* * *

'Well, here we are.' Christian was jolted from his state of semi sleep.

'Huh? What?' He said, groggily.

'Wake up!' Syed got out of the car and held the door open for a half asleep Christian.

Christian got out. He was slightly disappointed by how... normal the house looked. It was a standard two-up, two down detached. Syed sensed his disappointment and smiled.

'It's really nothing special. Don't see the point in having a mansion when I wouldn't be able to fill it up.'

Christian made a noise of assent as he walked up to the front door.

Syed got out a key and opened the door. 'I suppose I should give you the not so grand tour.'

'We're in the hallway-'

'I gathered.' Christian grinned to show Syed he wasn't being rude.

Syed smiled back. '- which leads to the lounge.' He led Christian to a heavy oak door and opened it with a mock dramatic flourish. The room was beautifully decorated. The walls were painted a simple cream, on one side there was a cream chaise lounge leaning against the wall with a large uncurtained bay window on the right hand side. Opposite that wall was a real fireplace complete with logs. There was a plasma screen midway up the adjacent wall with a small shelving system underneath that housed about 50 CDs. A large coffee table completed Syed's lounge. Syed looked at Christian for his reaction. 'It's lovely.' He stifled a yawn, he hadn't realised how late it was. Syed's television had the time floating on the screen as it was on standby.

Syed saw Christian's yawn. 'I guess I should leave the rest of the tour for tomorrow. Come on sleepyhead, I'll put you to bed.'

Christian raised an eyebrow, not so tired that he couldn't discern a possible come on. Syed flushed.

'Not like _that_!'

'That's a shame.' Christian mumbled under his breath.

'What was that?' Syed asked pleasantly, half knowing what Christian _had _said.

'I'm in pain.' Syed looked at him in a 'who do you think you're kidding' way. Christian coughed slightly, trying to salvage his failed lie. 'Uh, I'm so tired, it _hurts _to keep my eyes open.'

'Long day?' Syed asked, hesitating by the door leading to the hall.

'You could say that. Entertaining idiotic boyfriends is never easy.'

'I wouldn't know.' Syed said breezily.

'No, I don't suppose you would.' Christian gazed at Syed curiously, trying to gauge something, he didn't know _what_, from his eyes. 'I really do appreciate this Sy. I know you really didn't have to.'

'Well... just make it worth my while.' Syed looked at Christian through his eyelashes. Christian gulped. What _was _it with this man?

He had beautiful eyes. _Really _beautiful eyes. Christian didn't realise he was leaning forward until Syed stepped back and cleared his throat. 'Night Christian. Help yourself to breakfast if I'm not up. I'm not really a morning person.' Hesitating slightly, Syed looked at Christian. Christian looked back.

'Sy? What is it?'

'I just want you to know, despite your infernal _arrogance,_which I look forward to seeing in its full glory, I'm very happy to have you here. For as long as you want.' Christian tried not to smirk; he already had an open-ended stay? This was going to be far too easy!

'Thanks Syed.' He brushed Syed's arm lightly with the back of his palm. It might have been a slightly too obvious gesture, for Syed looked at Christian's hand, clearly confused. 'Christian, I don't know what you're thinking but I'm not-'

'Not what?'

'Gay. So if you're trying to test me or something... please... Stop.' His voice sounded strained and he looked like he wanted to be anywhere but where he was. Not your average reaction from a 'straight' guy.

Testing the waters, Christian moved in closer. Syed stared at him, his eyes darting back and forth like a frightened rabbit.

Christian smiled, trying not to make it look like he was having _too_ much fun. 'I have absolutely _no _idea what you're talking about.'

'Earlier you- and at the table, you looked at me and then now-' Syed was clearly tongue-tied.

'You're imagining things. Syed, I know you don't know me too well right now, considering the age we were before, but believe me, if I wanted to fuck you- which I don't, by the way- I'd say so. I don't go for the game playing crap. And anyway...'

'What?'

'You're straight.' Christian said the word straight with an implied question mark. Syed could practically _hear _an 'aren't you?'

Syed nodded. 'Precisely.'

'And... you're not my type.' Christian stalked past Syed, a half smile on his face. 'Night Sy.'

But you don't know where the bedroom is... Syed thought. But it was too late. He felt strangely angry at the turn the conversation had taken.

How _dare_ that infuriating man make him look like he was crazy for noticing things... Syed wasn't even sure he could remember what he'd filed away in his mind. He was too dazed by the conversation they'd just had.

He could still smell his heady, intoxicating, no... _putrid _scent. Not his type? If Syed was gay, which he wasn't, that irritating man would not be anywhere _near _attractive to him. Yeah, Syed could objectively see he was good looking, and he certainly understood why men and women alike threw themselves at him but he was an arrogant arse!

And arrogance was not an attractive trait in his book, especially when he frankly, could not see a reason for him to be _as _arrogant as he was. Sure, he was absolutely gorgeous, and from the little they'd spoken about before Christian had fallen asleep, he could tell he was searingly intelligent - far more intelligent and witty than most of the people Syed associated with, which was saying something because they were pretentious society types who loved to flaunt the latest word they'd read in their thesaurus, or worse, share the latest news they'd heard from 'their Uncle Theodore' - eminent broadcaster- but it didn't matter.

He was also a total user, it seemed like, with an astoundingly _awful _ taste in men- not that Syed had been looking, it wasn't his fault Rob's boorishness had drop kicked him round the face- and he was arrogant, so arrogant that it had to be mentioned twice, and imposing and annoying... that all aside, Syed had meant what he said about being happy to have Christian around. He was well and truly intrigued to find out more about him. How had his childhood playmate become a man who waltzed through life, tying himself to nobody? Puberty had clearly played a part, but what else? He was interesting, Syed gave him that. He certainly wanted to know more. Which was probably why he found himself walking down the corridor, surreptitiously glancing for Christian's profile, when he should have been tucked up in bed reading 'Restaurant Review.'

He heard movement in the guest bedroom. He knocked loudly, attempting to include a 'please be dressed' hint inside his knock, all the while wondering what the hell he was doing and why he didn't just go to bed, because he'd clearly found his way- 'Come in.' Christian called, pulling open the door as he did so. Didn't most normal people wait until the person who had knocked open the door?

Syed stood by the door, trying to hide his awkwardness. Christian was standing _shirtless_ by the wardrobe. He was so powerfully built, his muscular frame filling up the pretty large room, making his presence seem sublimely masculine.

'Yeah?' He moved to the bed, lying on his back casually.

Syed tried not to look at his toned torso. 'I just came to say sorry. I hope I didn't offend you with what I said?'

'What?' Christian looked genuinely confused. 'Sit down Syed, I don't bite. You're making me nervous standing over there.' Syed moved to the bed, feeling strangely nervous. Bad idea, Syed. Bad idea. His inner monologue was positively screaming at him. They watched each other for a moment. When the silence became uncomfortable, more for Syed than Christian, for Christian looked like he could stay like that all night, Syed broke it.

'Well?' He was doing his best curt businessman impression while trying not to eyeball Christian's pecs.

'Well what?'

'Did I offend you? With, you know... the whole not being gay thing? I don't think being gay is a bad thing, I just can't-'

'Syed. Relax. I think I should apologise. I never should have said what I said about sleeping with you and you not being my type...' Christian's half smirk told Syed he wasn't entirely sorry.

'Yeah well...I'd prefer you being blunt with me. Just so we both know where we stand.'

'So... if I told you I fucking _hate _your ponytail, you'd be ok with that?' Christian didn't say it unkindly, Syed realised. In fact he was peering at Syed, as if he was actually anxious that he had hurt his feelings.

Syed's face cleared and he smiled as he shook his head, relaxing for the first time since he had entered Christian's room.

Christian's hand came out of nowhere to rest in his hair and yank the black hairband from his ponytail. His hair fell about his face. Christian's hand smoothed Syed's hair into place. Syed felt his breath catch as Christian ran his hands through his hair. 'There.' Christian's voice was slightly higher than usual, showing Syed that he was not the only one who felt the spellbinding chemistry that sizzled between them. Syed looked at Christian, feeling vulnerable under the heat of Christian's gaze and the way Christian was looming over him.

'Christian, I-'

'Shhh.' Christian caressed Syed's face softly. 'Old friends, remember?'

Christian cupped Syed's face tenderly with both hands. Syed closed his eyes, leaning forward, unsure of what was going to happen but at the same time willing _something _to. 'Old friends.' He echoed, swallowing a lump in his throat. Syed's breath hitched again as Christian's lips parted in anticipation, he could feel the heat emitting from Christian and instead of scaring him, it excited him and how had that happened?- they were so close together that their thighs were touching and their lips were inches apart and Syed thought with a surprised gasp that something _was_ going to happen as Christian leaned slightly closer to him-

The phone in the lounge rang. The moment was broken as Syed leapt up. 'I'll just go-'

'Stay-'

Syed walked briskly to the lounge, unsure of what had almost taken place between he and Christian. As he picked up the phone, he was unsure if he should feel heartily disappointed or relieved.

* * *

Syed woke up with a banging headache, he'd been unable to get much sleep, he'd been too busy thinking about what had almost transpired between himself and Christian. With a groan, he dragged himself out of bed. He walked into the kitchen to find Christian pottering about like it was his own home, again- half naked, did the man ever wear clothes? He grinned broadly at Syed as he entered. 'Morning.'

Syed ignored him, it was far too early for someone as upbeat as Christian, especially when said someone was someone you'd almost kissed. Again.

'I need some coffee.' He murmured.

'Already done.' Christian presented him with a mug of steaming coffee. Syed looked at him, confused. 'How did you know I was a coffee person and not a tea person?'

'I just knew. '

Syed sipped the coffee. 'Thanks.' This was an improvement. He could actually talk to him without thinking about last night and how they'd almost... no... he couldn't.

Christian came up so close to Syed he could feel his day old stubble on his temple. 'Nah, I noticed your menu had about 10 billion different types of coffee so I figured it out.'

'Ever considered being a clairvoyant as a career?'

'I don't think I'd look too good in a turban, do you?' Christian snorted.

'I think you'd look good in anything.' Syed blurted it out before he could stop himself. Idiot, idiot, idiot. What the hell was he thinking? As if it wasn't enough to almost kiss his lodger, he was now complimenting him on his looks? Ignoring all the other implications, complimenting Christian was like waving a red rag to a bull, he wouldn't let it go. As if attempting to prove his point, Christian grinned widely. 'You know, I'm starting to wonder about you Syed...'

'What are you starting to wonder?' Syed asked, again feeling exposed.

'If you are what you say you are.' Christian replied cryptically, overtly looking Syed up and down in a way which left no doubt what he was thinking.

Syed was thankful Christian couldn't see the blush that was heating his body from head to toe.

'I know who I am!' Syed replied, realising as soon as he'd said it that if he was trying to prove he wasn't gay, or at least not camp, he wasn't doing a very good job. He'd said it rather dramatically.

'Do you? Because I'm starting to think you either enjoy being a tease- which you're rather good at- or you don't have a clue what you're doing, or you just... I don't know, secretly want me or something.'

There was a charged moment where they assessed each other. Suddenly Christian laughed. 'Your _face_! God, Syed, I was teasing!

'I knew that.' Syed said stupidly.

'Yeah.' Christian's tone said the exact opposite.


	4. Chapter 4

Only a short little chapter, I've got the next 3 written out and they're much longer, so no worries my dearies, I won't keep you waiting for very long!

Thank you for all the reviews, they're most appreciated.

* * *

A couple of months passed. They saw each other frequently in that time, though that was obviously not a challenge in a space as small as Syed's.

Christian found the way he thought about Syed had changed, almost too quickly for him to notice. Whenever he thought of Syed, he felt a fond, soft, vulnerable feeling nest itself in his veins and to his horror, an equally fond soft smile grow on his face. He no longer thought of Syed as through those generic terms: rich, good looking and the like. He wished he still could, it would have made it easier to do what he had so wanted to upon meeting him but he couldn't. Not now. Not when he knew that underneath his fulfilled exterior lay a vulnerable, sweet, kind, good person with a soul just as beautiful as his outer appearance. God, he sounded so sentimental it made him feel slightly ill.

He was starting to consider the wisdom of what he'd so wanted to do. Forget him, what would he do to _Syed_ if he fleeced him? He hadn't spoken to Syed about it, but he sensed that letting Christian stay in his home, was the first move he had made in years towards opening himself up to anyone. He couldn't undo that. Syed would never be the same again and neither, he suspected, would he.

Syed had seen something in him- something Christian couldn't see in himself- for all his bravado, he did not think he had anything particularly special that separated him from the billions of people in the world- but Syed did. He could tell by the way Syed listened to him when he spoke, _really _listened, his whole body shifted and he moved closer as if every word coming out of his mouth was precious.

And perhaps most importantly, he could tell by the way Syed had changed towards him, had almost imperceptibly moved the barriers between them from two people who shared a house to friends and now, to a place Christian had never really been before. A no man's land in between friendship and something more intimate. Christian did not know if Syed felt those boundaries moving himself, but he certainly had. He felt an urge grow within himself that no longer wanted solely to sleep with Syed. Yes, he still found him attractive but now he wanted to hold rather than caress him, kiss tenderly rather than passionately. He wanted to... oh God, in that moment Christian knew he'd fallen, hard... he wanted to tell him in whispered sighs, how beautiful he was, adore him, adore his body. He was one of the most amazing people Christian had ever met. How many people would offer someone they hadn't seen in years a place to stay without even asking for rent, for goodness sake?

Christian wasn't, despite the way he tried to make himself appear so, a cruel or ruthless person. Yes, he had to admit he was a bit... ok a _lot _of a user, but he didn't use people who didn't deserve to be used. Syed _should _have been perfect for Christian's purposes. Only, for some reason, this time there was something holding him back. He _wanted_ to curse himself for his weakness, worm his way into Syed's heart and his chequebook and leave a good few tens of thousands richer. But... he just couldn't do it. There was something special about Syed. Something different. Christian hated himself for compromising who he was but maybe... maybe he could try to be someone better. The problem was, he didn't know how Syed felt about him. For some reason, Syed's opinion was actually important to him now. That did it. He _had_ to stay away from Syed. He was making him crazy.

While Christian was thinking, he decided he needed a shower to clear his head. Preferably a _cold _one. He pulled his t-shirt over his head, folding it on the bed neatly, and stepped out of his jeans. Towel slung over his shoulder, he walked to the bathroom. Syed _had _told him to make himself at home.

He opened the bathroom door, whistling softly to himself. His eyes widened.

'Syed... I thought you were at work.' Christian was not easily embarrassed, but for some reason Syed made him flustered. Especially in the state of undress they were both in. Syed had clearly had the same thought about the shower and to their mutual embarrassment, all of Syed's clothes _including_ his boxers were draped across the floor. Syed, upon hearing Christian enter had hurriedly grabbed a towel to cover himself but that hadn't stopped Christian from getting a considerably good view of Syed's...wares. With great effort, he placed a smirk on his face. Better, he supposed, for his feelings to be seen as purely sexual.

'Sorry... but now that I'm here, anything I can do for you?' Christian said nonchalantly, he couldn't help noticing his words held a hollowness that rang untrue, though his smirk was still in place. Watching Syed's eyes narrow informed Christian he wasn't believing the act anymore than he was. Damn that man!

'Can you please _go_?' Christian sensed Syed would have put his hands on his hips in annoyance if he hadn't been clutching the towel to himself.

'Sorry... I really did think you were out.' He said, sincerely.

Syed's expression softened somewhat as he regarded Christian. 'Fine. But...' He gestured to himself. Christian couldn't help looking him up and down, though it was more so he could be pathetically poetic about his _perfection_ than pure lust. 'I need a shower.' Syed sighed.

Biting back the things he _really _wanted to say, sensing they weren't appropriate for a conversation while they were both pretty close to nakedness, Christian left without another word.


	5. Chapter 5

Apparently boredom is great for the creative process. Updates are probably going to slow down as I have about 2 chapters left before I have to delve into my brain!

Not too sure about whether I like this chapter but posting it because otherwise I never will. Hopefully the next 2 will be better.

Unsure whether I'm going to finish this up in the next two chapters and do a sequel ;) or just carry it on... right now I'm leaning towards the finishing it up option, going to need some pretty strong reasons not to, haha! Lucky for you guys, I'm easily swayed so if you'd like me to continue, press that tiny little button at the bottom of the page! *cackles evilly*

Anyway, I'm going to shut up now!

Hope you like this, continues from where I left off, with Syed in the shower...

* * *

Syed let the force of the water stream over him. He wanted to scream in frustration. It was like that man _lived _to irritate him! He knew he could just tell him to leave, hell, he _wanted _to, but that was probably more a sign of his own neurosis than anything wrong with Christian in particular.

Anyone could have walked in, if there had been anyone else in his house. He was the idiot who hadn't locked the door. So why did he feel so exposed? And why on Earth had he had a crazy split second fantasy to drop the towel completely? This wasn't him. He didn't know how or why that man got under his skin so much, it would be laughable if it wasn't so tragic.

He was 3 years away from 30 for goodness sake, far too old for this shyness with other men- no- with _him_. It wasn't like he was gay or anything, obviously he could _see _Christian was attractive but anyone with eyes could. He'd had his fair share of girlfriends in the past, he'd also had his fair share of _experimentation_ which is what he mentally filed the almost kiss a few months ago, under. He was a good Muslim, he was still devout, he still went to prayers when the restaurant didn't need him, he was sure Allah understood why he couldn't go to Mosque as often as he wanted to. He still hadn't slept with a woman. His religion forbade it so he had no reason to. Of course, he couldn't let any woman get _too _close, emotionally or physically. But he'd never let _men _get too close either, at least not past the realms of sexual experimentation. Everyone did it, didn't they? It was part of growing up. Sure he wasn't 18 anymore, he was 9 years older in fact, but he still needed to try it... just to make sure there wasn't anything else to it.

So why on Earth was he thinking about Christian's supple muscles, the way his boxers had rested so perfectly on his hips, the look on his face... and worse... the butterflies in his stomach, the urge to hold him just because before he had smirked, he'd had the most heartrending look of vulnerability on his face...

He increased the pressure on the water, hoping it would cause his thoughts to retreat. It didn't.

He was an idiot because the water pressure was causing him to think some pretty _unholy _thoughts. His thoughts were so rarely not Christian focussed anymore. At first they'd been purely carnal, his body telling him it had been _ages _since he had had sex and screaming at him to get some from the closest source, but during the two months since they had talked in the kitchen, Syed had found the little things harder to ignore.

Like the piercing way Christian whistled (he just _had _to announce his presence in anyway possible!) and the way he and Christian looked at each other sometimes, like they were sharing a secret that no-one else in the world was privy to... but then with a cough from Christian or a blink from Syed, their eyes would reluctantly look away and they would go about their business.

Oh and the way Christian's tongue stuck out of the corner of his mouth when he was engrossed in a book... Syed had been surprised to find that he was a vicarious reader and he'd enjoyed the moments where he and Christian read companionably on the settee, Christian reading whatever book he'd pilfered from a market stall and Syed attempting to read one of his own books and giving up and pestering Christian about his instead. He found himself smiling fondly- a mistake- as the water hit him _hard_ and made him remember Christian was a dangerous topic of thought while he was in the shower.

But... (he was trying to think of something else, it really wasn't working) they'd shared their favourite titles with each other, shocked to find they had similar taste- both he and Christian liked fast paced thrillers and they had had passionate discussions that had lasted into the night, discussions about the best place to get books, (Syed had said independent bookshops, while Christian had resolutely said charity shops) they'd even had a particularly heated discussion about the merits of classics in comparison to contemporary literature, something that had proved to Syed that his first thought about Christian being fiercely intelligent was correct. Once, he had even told Christian he should be a literary critic, something that had caused Christian to givea little laugh and a shrug and a whispered admission from Christian that he- the 'staunchly unambitious' as he had once referred to himself- meant to take a course in literary theory, a rare show of obvious vulnerability that made him seem younger, that even now, quite a while later, made Syed smile.

He was just being friendly. Ok, so maybe he did see something special in Christian, something he wanted to cultivate..._and nuture_, a tiny voice in Syed's head cried. He shooed it away. Wasn't that what friends- _old friends_- did? They spoke to each other, they laughed together, they were _friends_. That was something Syed was lacking, he had multiple acquaintances, people he made small talk with but he didn't really have friends. Not people he saw more than once every 6 months anyway. Maybe Christian could even be called his _best _friend. But his friend-starved brain was making the deadly mistake of mistaking friendship for something more. And that 'something more' categorically could not happen. Not when it was haraam. _Especially_ not when it was haraam and he didn't have any stupid feelings for the man anyway! But maybe it didn't really count as haraam... not when he observed his faith in every other way and planned to marry a woman when the time came. So technically he could do whatever he wanted with Christian...

He was being stupid. He was lethargic and the awkwardness of Christian seeing him close to naked and vice versa was making his brain create things that weren't there. He needed to get some sleep. Maybe then his brain would stop creating insane, _inane_ fantasies about Christian. Christian joining him in the shower and pushing him against the fog steamed shower cubicle... touching him, kissing him... that body had to be good for something... what was he _thinking_?

Mentally shouting at himself, as if that would stop his mind from whirling, Syed got out of the shower, grabbed some toilet paper and quickly, furtively did what he had to do to get the erection that had sprung out out nowhere to calm down. He breathed heavily, in relief and mortification. He couldn't deal with this. There was something wrong with him, he _had _to be coming down with something.

Syed hurriedly got dressed and walked towards the lounge. He hadn't seen Christian enter the lounge alone before and he desperately needed some Christian-free time. He opened the door. He stopped. Christian was looking curiously through his collection of CDs. Christian smiled sheepishly at Syed, sensing his presence. Syed found that he didn't really feel as angry as he ought to. He felt strangely... happy. What the hell was that about?

'Hey Syed, I really am sorry about-'

'Leave it.' Syed spat, perhaps more forcefully then he meant to. Why was he here? Not now... he just needed _time_. He needed to be... cool. Cool and calm. Surely he could do that?

Christian turned back to the CD collection. He gave a surprised exclamation.

'Stand By Me?'

He brandished the CD. Syed turned away, of course what he _really _needed was Christian mocking his taste in music too? Ok, so it wasn't the most macho but that didn't mean-

'I have it too.'

Syed spun round to face Christian, in shock. 'Really?' He replied, almost despite himself. He mentally punched himself. What had happened to cool?

Christian nodded. 'This is actually embarrassing to admit but it's one of my favourite films.'

Syed was very, _very _surprised. All he could stutter out was 'Mine too.'

Christian's expression mirrored Syed's. 'Who would have thought it, eh? We actually have something in common.' He rolled his eyes, clearly thinking the same thing Syed was- they had quite a lot in common. He abruptly walked towards the door. Syed sat down with the mixture of disappointment and relief that was becoming all too familiar whenever he thought of Christian, wondering if it was too much to think Christian was finally going, when he heard some notes play softly from the stereo. It was, unmistakeably, the first notes of 'Stand By Me.'

Instead of sitting next to Syed as Syed expected him to, Christian sat on the floor, his eyes shut, swaying to the music.

'You can sit here, you know...' Syed started to say, but he too, became lost in the music.

When the last notes of the song faded into the air, neither one wanted to break the spell that had come over them. The silence weighed on them heavily. It was not uncomfortable, just charged with something neither wanted to discuss.

Their relationship had developed, as well as in the larger ways they'd thought of, in ways so small, they hadn't noticed enough to ruminate over it. They were tied by an inexplicable golden bond that had risen out of nowhere, but now it had they would not be able to break it. Perhaps neither really wanted to.

Christian broke the silence. 'Gonna tell me what I want to hear?'

Syed looked at him, the confusion etched on his face. 'Huh? You're gon- _going to_ need to start being more direct. You do realise I don't have a clue what you're on about?'

Christian chortled to himself as if remembering a private joke, then glancing up and seeing Syed's obvious confusion, prompted; 'When you first saw it?'

Syed felt his heart leap. 'You remember?'

'Yeah. We were what- 6?' Christian couldn't hide his beam as Syed looked at him with shock and a hint of something he couldn't quite discern. Affection? Probably wishful thinking on his part, he feared he was stuck in a case of arrested development. That oh-so-teenage scenario of having feelings for someone who didn't have feelings for you. _He just doesn't realise I exissssstt! _It was laughable! Worse than laughable, it was utterly pathetic. He probably just needed to get laid or something.

Syed's words came out in a quiet sigh. 'Something like that. How can we even remember so far back.'

'Guess we're both special.' Christian grinned. 'God, that was ages ago.'

'A whole lifetime.' Christian watched Syed's face crumple, for a reason he could not identify and with a defeatist sigh- what was the point in fighting it- moved next to Syed, wrapping a comforting arm around him- _again_ for a reason he could not identify. Christian held his breath, thinking Syed would pull away, he'd momentarily stiffened, but only a second later, Syed relaxed into the embrace of sorts.

' Hey. _Hey. _It's ok.' Christian soothed, secretly wondering how he ended up entangled in these sorts of situations.

'No... it's not.' Syed's voice was strangled.

'...What are you thinking?' Christian asked, wondering if it was even his place to ask and fighting the urge to push Syed's hair off his face after where that had taken them last time.

Syed bit his lip. He looked conflicted for a moment, his face entirely bereft of the public mask he kept on his face. Christian inwardly gasped at the entire universe of pain etched on the landscape of his face, a pain Christian longed to snatch from him and remove all memory of him having experienced in the first place.

Then Syed spoke, in a voice raspy from suppressed tears, a voice far unlike his own.

'I listened to this song about half an hour before my parents kicked me out.' Syed took a long drawn out breath, as if preparing himself for a long, and if the size of that breath was anything to go by, draining speech.

Christian wanted to interrupt to ask many curious questions, but instead held himself as still as possible as if Syed were a timid animal about to run away at one false movement.

As if reading Christian's thoughts, Syed answered the question on Christian's lips.

'They kicked me out because they caught me sleeping with someone.' A breath. Another bite of the lip.

'A man.'

* * *

Surprise surprise, eh? NOT. Worst kept secret since Christian's cross dressing fetish!

Please let me know what you thought... I'm slightly worried. *runs away*


	6. Chapter 6

Another gargantuan chapter. I have one more chapter written up after this and then updates might be a bit irregular because I've got school things coming up.

Once again, I do not own Syed or Christian, they are (sadly) owned by the BBC.

Sorry if this is a bit rambly and OOC. I don't know if I'm entirely happy with it but then I'm my own worst critic, so here goes.

Because it's been ages since I updated here's a brief reminder of the last chapter:

_As if reading Christian's thoughts, Syed answered the question on Christian's lips._

'_They kicked me out because they caught me sleeping with someone.' A breath. Another bite of the lip. 'A man.'_

_

* * *

_

Listening to Syed, Christian found himself in a very odd state. He wasn't in the least surprised that Syed had slept with a man, possibly one of many. What _did _surprise him was that Syed was telling him. Christian had guessed the versions of events Syed had told him when they had first met had been _condensed _but what he hadn't bargained on was them being slightly _untrue. _

'I spent ages- _years _afterwards- (I was 18) wrestling my conscience. I thought that I couldn't be gay, that it was _impossible _to be gay, because after all I'm Muslim. I didn't think anyone had ever even _heard_ of a gay Muslim, I thought they were so far removed from each other, the phrase was virtually an oxymoron.' Syed rolled his eyes, Christian couldn't help but think the effect was ruined by the tears clinging to Syed's eyelashes. 'It was before I'd discovered the power of the internet.' He said wryly.

'Sometimes, oh this is good, sometimes Christian, I even went to gay bars. After whoever I'd picked up had left, I felt dirty and sick and... bad. What I'd _done _was bad. So I suppressed it, and I went _on _suppressing it.' He turned to look at Christian, his gaze as penetrative as a laser. 'I could have carried on suppressing it, Christian.'

He glared at Christian with such a force, Christian was momentarily stunned.

'You know, when I saw you, want to know what the first thought in my head was?' Now Syed had opened the floodgates, there didn't seem to be an end to it. 'I thought, I could sleep with him, stop thinking about sex and forget about him tomorrow... and then I saw who you were. I was _mortified _that it was you. So I suppressed it even more. Asked you to stay with me, thought I could _really _play the straight host, as it were.' He laughed bitterly, gesturing to the position they were sitting in. The two men had somehow, even during Syed's tirade, inched closer together, their limbs entwined, without even registering it. 'Look how that turned out.'

'Syed, I-'

Syed continued as if he hadn't even heard Christian speak. For all Christian knew, he hadn't.

'I thought I could resist. I'd done it before. All I had to do was be strong, right? Pray harder, study the Quran harder... I forgot that it's almost impossible to forget about you. How can I when you're always... _here_ ? I could have asked you to leave, of course I could have. But I couldn't... I still can't. Because...' He took a shuddering breath, watching Christian watch him. 'I don't want you to go.'

After that admission Syed sat in silence, with his head bowed for such a long time Christian didn't think he'd continue.

But after the agonising passage of time had passed, he did. 'Remember when you said whatever you said about sleeping with me? Do you know how I felt then? How much I wanted to just let _go _and just _do it_, just... rip your clothes off and... and-' Before Christian had time to blink, Syed's lips were covering his, moving furiously.

Syed pulled him closer with strength he didn't look like he had, taking Christian aback.

'Wait, Sy...' Christian muttered into his mouth as he fought every natural urge in him fighting to respond.

He smelt amazing, spicy and somehow sweet and he tasted even better... Christian found his body betraying him as he fervently returned the kiss and felt the unbearable bliss of his lust for him grow and grow, along with another part of his body and along with a tender feeling in his brain- he really _didn't_ want to think about that tender feeling- and kissing Syed felt so natural and good- but _this_ didn't feel right and God, _how _was he doing that... 'Wait! Christian pushed Syed off him. Syed looked at his hands, suddenly finding them very interesting. He was breathing so heavily Christian was starting to worry he was close to a panic attack. He tentatively gazed at Syed, a subtle cue to get him to look at him.

Slowly, slower than Christian would have liked, Syed raised his head up to look at him. 'Syed... you know I want this as much as you do, but... not like this. I... well... I _like _you.'

Syed stared at him belligerently, ignoring his heart rate speeding up dangerously at Christian's words. He _liked him? _

Instead of vocalising one of the mass of tangled thoughts in his head, Syed breathed a question showing his confusion. 'What?'

'I like yo-'

Syed waved his arms impatiently. 'I got that bit... but you won't sleep with me because you _like _me?'

Christian nodded once, looking at Syed to make sure he understood.

'Well that's just great.' Syed murmured sarcastically, embracing himself.

'What you've told me, Syed... it's a lot to take in. I can't say I understand what it's like to be gay and Muslim-'

'I'm not gay.' Syed hissed.

'What?' Christian was now thoroughly confused. 'But you just ...' He gestured, so frustrated he was at a complete loss for words.

'Well... what you _do _and what you _are_ are two completely different things.'

'But Syed-' Christian had always laughed at the expression 'tearing your hair out' and dismissed it as hyperbole but he'd never felt closer to actually _doing _it than he had in this moment.

'I'm not gay.' Syed said stubbornly, still hugging himself like if he didn't he'd be carried away by the tempest raging in his mind. 'And if I was gay, _Christian,-' _Syed all but spat out his name 'I wouldn't be interested in you.'

Christian flinched slightly. The venom he heard in his voice was very unlike the Syed he was just beginning to know. He forced his face to become a steely mask, utterly devoid of _any_ feeling. It was time for him to swallow his emotions.

'Well listen _sunshine _, I wouldn't be interested in you either.' Two could play that game. And, Christian realised, it was certainly a game, for there was no way Syed could say those things to him without putting on some sort of act where he felt free to do that. Christian, always one for experimentation, jumped in on it, at least this way, they could avoid discussing the real issues.

Syed glanced at him, a renewed glint of vitality in his eyes. He'd caught on to what Christian was doing. Christian thought he could see the _tiniest _trace of a smile playing on the corners of his lips, but he wasn't sure.

Syed continued his tirade as if Christian hadn't spoken, tears still glittering on his eyelashes but no tears escaping. Which Christian supposed, was progress. 'For one, you're annoying-'

'Yeah, bet I annoy you in the right sort of way!' Christian deadpanned.

'You're a gym addict-'

'Which means I can handle _heavy _loads-'

Oh there was _definitely _a not-quite smile on Syed's face.

'-Which means you spend far too much time in the gym. You're too clever for your own good...'

Christian laughed in disbelief. 'Which is a fault, how?'

'Means you come out with words nobody really understands.'

'Well, what about _you _Syed?'

'What about me?' Syed mumbled, light disappearing from his eyes. Was he actually _scared _of what Christian would say? But he couldn't _really _care what he thought of him, not deep enough for it to _hurt _anyway, Christian thought.

Swatting the nagging thought away like it was a bee, he regarded Syed.

'You're superficially charming-'

'What's wrong with that?' Syed was injured. Or doing a very good impression of someone who was. Was his self esteem that low? Even after all he had achieved? It wasn't even a proper insult! Christian almost felt like ending their juvenile game but what was it they said? The show must go on...

'You're in a love affair with your _restaurant_-'

'I just want it to be the best-'

'Which leads me on to my next point- you're an unyielding perfectionist who is atoning for a sin he never actually committed and you're so damn stubborn you refuse to admit you aren't happy and you won't let anyone in even when there's someone who lo- _likes_ you wishing he- _they _could see who you really are.' He took a breath, refusing to meet Syed's eyes.

'You're stubborn, irritating, focused to the point of insanity and... you're amazing.' Christian wanted to hit himself. How the hell had that last bit slipped out? He could somehow sense that Syed was staring at him like he'd never seen him before.

'I wish-'

'What?' Christian lowered his head, feeling too vulnerable to even hate himself for acting like a shy, lovesick idiot.

'I wish I'd never met you.' Syed said this with an expression of pure sadness on his face.

Christian felt like someone had kicked him in the heart with steel capped leather boots. He knew Syed hadn't even meant it to hurt him, that was the awful thing about it.

Christian finally brought his face up to look at Syed, and made no attempt to mask his hurt. How could he when the tears he despised himself for were already gliding down his face? Christian saw Syed's eyes widen a little, as if he was shocked by what he saw. Christian made to turn away but he was stopped by a trembling, warm hand on his jaw.

For the second time that night, Christian distantly noted that Syed was kissing him.

His hands desperately grappled at Christian's shirt, he was kissing him as if he was a drowning man searching for some sort of salvation, he didn't even seem to care or notice that Christian was rigid and unresponsive. His fevent kissing moved to Christian's neck, his jaw. His hands roamed underneath Christian's shirt, feeling the expanse of Christian's body, tracing his stomach with an almost savage longing. He looked up at Christian, as if asking permission to move his hands where, really, they both wanted them to go. He froze. For an eternal moment they were frozen like actors waiting for their next cue, in a strange sort of tableau Christian was sure even the greats would shy away from painting due to its intensity.

Their faces both spelled out the sorry fact that what they wanted was a world away from what they actually had, Syed, chin tilted, wanting Christian to say yes and Christian wishing he could. In another world, another place, maybe... The air brimmed with an icy lust, a lust that knew it would be unfulfilled and was lamenting the fact. The world they lived in, the people they were wouldn't allow it to happen. Syed's hands dropped, leadenly as Christian moved away, standing up to put maximum distance between them.

Something in Christian suddenly and painfully snapped. Christian knew from Syed's expression that he hadn't meant his words maliciously, hadn't meant his kisses to frustrate and hurt. But they still _hurt_. Everything hurt. He couldn't stand this, every time he thought he was starting to uncover a layer of this beautiful, _frustrating _man, another layer appeared that ended up being tougher than the last one.

He found himself feeling mentally drained. He spoke quietly, just letting the words fall from his tongue and not even thinking about editing. He realised, with startling clarity, he wasn't going to get anywhere with Syed. Everytime he tried, he ended up falling even deeper than he had already. It was time to stop.

The next words came out in a garbled rush. 'You know what Syed? I really can't deal with this. You have your baggage, I have mine. I've come to terms with mine, but you clearly haven't. I meant it when I said, I like you. I really, really do, despite not knowing why sometimes. You hurt me without even knowing how. I don't think I should stay here anymore. I'm going to find somewhere else to stay. You have my number, if you want to try this opening up thing again, and actually attempt to _get somewhere _– other than in my pants- give me a call.'

Christian rushed out of the room, leaving Syed feeling strangely bereft.

The stark truth hit Syed. They'd reached the point of no return.

Christian was leaving.


	7. Chapter 7

This will probably be the final chapter for a while... updates will probably take a while.

Hope it's ok, it's very long so let me aoplogise in advance. I should probably include some chocolate covered prozac with this chapter because, unfortunately, it's not very happy.

I have the rest planned out (sort of!) and it WILL get happier, just bear with me while I write it up.

Bumper chapter, this _was _meant to be split but I don't know when I'm going to have time so I thought I'd do it all now.

Please R+R because it will make a worrying writer very happy!

Anyway, I'll shut up now. I feel a bit evil for sort of 'ending' it like this!

* * *

Syed glanced at the clock. He inwardly groaned, the neon dial screamed the absymal time at him- 4am.

That meant he had...3 hours until he had to get up. He'd been lying in bed, tossing and turning , wishing sleep would come but unable to _quite_ get there because of all the thoughts in his head. With a sigh Christian would have denounced as 'drama queen esque', Syed got out of bed.

He arranged the sheets for once, he had picked up that little trick from Christian who was a dusting away from fullblown OCD.

Syed could not describe how annoyed he was with himself after that _stupid _rant. He could have kept his mouth shut, but oh no, he'd decided yesterday, when they were having a nice, _normal _time, was the time to transcend the awkward, socially inept, tight lipped male Masood family gene.

Oh... memories of kissing Christian began to flood his brain. Had he really done that? Kissed him in such a licentious, wanton way? And had Christian even kissed him back? Mortification made him feel weak on his feet and he had to hold on to the bed for support. He had... at first but the second time- why had he kissed him _twice- _he had all but verbally rejected him. Why had he done that? Why had he even said what he had said? He hadn't set out to say anything, he hadn't needed to say anything! Why was he such a stupid, stupid idiot? He'd kissed him _and _admitted something he hadn't even thought of consciously in years! Why was he such an idiot? All he could do was repeat that word over again; the word that didn't even begin to cover the mistakes he had made. Idiot. Idiot. Idiot. Idiot!

He'd just been so- Syed couldn't stand the word but there was no other to use- _sad _about hearing the song, it had brought up all those murky memories from the recesses of his mind. Listening to the song while he and the guy he'd picked up had done... _that _and the horrified faces of his mother and father as they'd returned home early and caught Syed in the middle of _gay _sex, as if premarital sex wasn't bad enough. Then the aftermath, the frosty silence of his parents at the breakfast table as the clink of metal on bowls rang out, the way Shabnam- who he had never really got on with- placed a fleeting hand of reassurance on Syed's face on the way to her bedroom, the way Tamwar, not really understanding the situation had looked at him the way he always had- with adoration, until years later when he realised and had looked at him slightly differently, being treated as a pariah, the people of his mosque- who were as good as family- wanting nothing to do with him... and the loneliness. Always the loneliness.

The loneliness he tried to escape, first by study, hoping a good degree might help to scrap away some of the superficial shame that blighted his- and by extension, _their_- reputation, then by prayer and devotions, praying to his Allah- the one who knew him better than anyone- hoping he would hear him, then came one night stands, which left him with a self loathing no physical closeness could assuage, then finally came his restaurant and complete and utter suppression coupled with a large dose of denial. That was, until _he _came along. Hours ealier, while he had lay prone and unsleeping on the bed that usually sent him somewhere close to bliss with its softness, he had heard the front door close softly at about 1am. His heart had thumped so hard, entreating him to rush to Christian. He had so wanted to... but there was nothing to say. So he'd left. And Syed had let him.

Syed went to his bedside table and pulled out his accounts book. As he pored over the figures, he felt a tiny bit better. A tiny bit. The restaurant in Paris wasn't doing so well, he'd either have to revamp the menu or close it. Somehow, having a major decision to make, knowing that there were people in Paris waiting for his verdict, instead of stressing him, made him feel better. He didn't much care about the Paris restaurant; perhaps stupidly it was because he didn't live there. He had built _Food _in London up from -metaphorical-ashes. Christian would have laughed at him. He imagined him. 'You're too sentimental. It's not alive Sy!'

He might as well go and get ready and go to work now. He had no shortage of work to do.

* * *

So much for a full day of work.

Syed returned home at around 2pm. He'd been far too crabby and sleep deprived to work, he'd been uncharacteristically snappy with his staff and stomping out angrily, had told his staff to carry on without him because he was going home.

Slumped on the settee, Syed found himself plagued with the pests he had come to be well acquainted with over the years. Depression and loneliness.

He hadn't felt it so strongly recently, had even dared to hope they had left him. But nope, here they were, those irritants he just couldn't get rid of, like an annoying person at a party. He felt despair flood his system so strongly he cried out. He couldn't do this anymore... he was tired of trying to get his parent's approval. They had ignored all the letters, all the newspaper clippings he had sent. Normally he would have found that sort of behaviour narcissistic, but he _needed _his parent's approval, almost as much as he needed oxygen. He was floundering under the weight of his life and he desperately needed... something.

_Shabnam_! What he needed now was his little sister. She only lived about 20 minutes away from him but they hardly saw each other, she was busy with the husband she had married at 21, upon graduating from university _and _she was expecting a baby now, so she spent half her time planning and stressing out. He spent all his time with the restaurant, as sad as it was, it was _his _baby. He didn't need anything else, not even the restaurant in Paris, when he had his London restaurant to cultivate. He planned to get it to be seen as one of the best in the world! He walked to the railing where he kept his coats and pulled out his mobile from his pocket. As if on cue, his phone began to ring. _Shabnam. _

'Hey Syed!' Shabnam's voice always seemed to make him smile, maybe it was the warmth- Shabnam had a gift of making every person she spoke to feel like they were special. Like someone else he knew. She was one of the least judgemental people Syed knew. She hadn't always been that way, she'd led a fairly sheltered life until the _incident_ and then a few months later she had gone on to university and moved out.

'Shabby!'

Syed felt somewhat happier as Shabnam chuckled at the nickname, Syed had been told for years, often under threat of severe tickling, to call her Shabnam but he never had.

'I was just about to call you...' His voice trailed away.

'Syed, are things that bad? If you have to take time away from your precious restaurant to _call _me, then...' She made a _whooshing _noise that was meant to show her surprise. Syed knew there was no malice or sarcasm in it, that was just how he and Shabnam operated.

'Are you at home, Syed?'

'Yeah.' It hardly came out because Syed's energy had been so quickly depleted by lack of sleep and misery.

Then she said the words that made Syed's heart ache with love for his younger sibling.

'I'll be right over.'

Shabnam fussed over him while he waited, grimacing. His sister was only like his mother in one respect, the need for utter fastidiousness with personal appearance. To prove the point, Shabnam was wearing a simple floral dress, probably something she wore around the house, with flat black shoes, her hair was neatly caught in a bun, she wore no make-up on her face and she looked better than some people who spent hours getting ready. Finally she spoke, 'You look good.'

'Thanks.'

'But you need a haircut.' She scrutinised his ponytailed hair with disapproval.

'I like it.'

'You would! You look like a wannabe rockstar! What was your uni band called again?'

'Shut up, _Shabby_.'

'How many times have I told you? _My name is Shabnam_!' She hissed, then pulled Syed into a bone-crushing hug.

She held him away from her, scrutinising his face.

'What's up Syed? I mean _really_? And no lies. Asim might actually burn the house down trying to make lunch because I left him alone so for that... I need the truth.'

Syed sat down heavily on the settee. Shabnam sat next to him, waiting. He put his head in his hands, suddenly unable to say anything.

'Man trouble?' Shabnam said casually, looking Syed straight in the eye.

'What?'

'Oh come off it Syed. You might think you can play the straight guy facade with the random people you meet at the restaurant but give me _some _credit.

I'm your sister. I've seen you get more and more unhappy, bury yourself in the bloody restaurant and work yourself to near death. You aren't doing that for no reason. And you know what, Syed? Whatever we might have been raised to believe, I don't for a second think the way you are- the way you were _made_- is wrong, or that you're going to hell. Your relationship with Allah is exactly that- _yours . _People have no right to judge you.'

She spat the word people out with such contempt, Syed almost flinched. She clearly meant their parents and the community. She was estranged from them too, they hadn't approved of her husband because he was from an even _lower _social position than they were.

'You're a good person Syed.' She stared at Syed urgently. 'You _are_. I don't want you turning 30, 40, 50 and being this unhappy.'

'I'm not unhappy, I have a nice house, a thriving restaurant, I meet interesting people every-'

'Stop Syed. Stop. Stop _pretending_! I know you.'

At Shabnam's unrelenting gaze, Syed felt angry tears spring into his eyes.

'Fine. I'm unhappy. Happy now?' He glared at her.

She just looked at him, a telling twinkle in her eye showing she was waiting for him to elaborate.

'Well, I was in _Food- _oi!-' Shabnam was rolling her eyes, implying he was _always _at_ Food_, which really wasn't true...

'It was a couple of months ago now, and there was this guy-'

'-What's his name?' Shabnam was businesslike as usual, she wasn't one for silly little things like _details_.

'Christian...' Syed felt a knife prick in his heart as he said his name.

Shabnam raised her eyebrow, noticing Syed's voice change. 'You like him?'

'No.'

Shabnam gave him one of her penetrating looks.

He shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Why did she have to look at him like that?

'... I don't know... Yes. _No_. Maybe...'

Shabnam still looked at him unwaveringly. Syed was struck by how much she reminded him of someone. With a jolt of shock, he realised she reminded him of Christian. That penetrative stare...

'Maybe...' Syed repeated, hoping that would give her enough of a reason to move her gaze. It didn't. He threw his hands up in defeat. After an agonising moment where he opened and closed his lips, not trusting them, he finally breathed out, 'Yes.'

It... didn't feel like a lie. Why didn't it feel like a lie?

Shabnam laughed, her laughter sounding like a peal of bells, as she observed the expression crossing Syed's face. 'You've got it bad.'

Syed couldn't believe he'd said that and he also couldn't believe what Shabnam was discerning from it. It was just one word!

To his embarrassment, he found himself stuttering out a reply to a comment he shouldn't have given the time of day. 'I...no... I _don't_!'

'Do... but I'm not going to argue with you. Does he like you?'

'He... he said so.' _I like you_.

'So what's the problem?'

'He was staying here- he had nowhere else to go- but he left. Last night.'

Syed realised, a moment too late- a delayed reaction from his somewhat slowed brain- what Shabnam had said. '_What? _ What's the _problem? _Shabby, have you forgotten what the Quran teaches-'

Shabnam's mouth became a straight line. 'Syed, I believe that there is more than one way to read the Quran...' She cut herself off, to Syed's frustration. He wanted to hear more.

She waved a hand impatiently. 'What happened?'

'I might have said too much. About my history... and I freaked out and I said some things... horrible things... and he said he was leaving but I could call him if I wanted to talk.' Those words chased each other in a rush out of his mouth. It was a wonder Shabnam could comprehend what he was saying. He certainly didn't have a clue what he was saying anymore. Nothing made sense.

'So call him.' Shabnam was looking at him, through her eyelashes, in the way she looked when she was attempting to read someone. She was looking at him as if calling Christian was the simplest thing in the world.

'I...I can't.' Syed hid his face. 'He hates me.' It was all so complicated, Shabnam couldn't understand. He wasn't in any position to be in a relationship. He just couldn't do it, the emotional frankness, being so close to another person...

'If you spoke to him the way you said you have and he still told you to call him... he can't _possibly _hate you Syed.'

'Anyway, have you heard from-'

'Syed... mum and dad... they're not going to come round just because you've _decided _to make yourself as unhappy as possible. Just like they're not going to come round just because I've been married for longer than I can count. Asim taught me you only have one life, you have to do whatever makes _you _happy. Allah will understand. Well, as long as you don't go round drinking the local alchie under the table and being violent and cruel. Do you seriously think I would have let Asim go just because Mum and Dad were too stubborn to come to our wedding or even _speak _to me?' Her eyes blazed black in her passion. 'Syed, please! I can't stand seeing you like this. What would you do if someone took your beloved restaurant? I'll tell you- nothing! You'd sit in the same house you've had for 5 years and brood-'

Syed started to protest but Shabnam interrupted. 'That's exactly what would happen and you know it. Just... be happy Syed! If he makes you happy-' She smiled wryly, not able to imagine Syed happy. 'Well happier,' She amended. 'Then just call him! '

She affectionately smoothed Syed's hair away from his face. 'And get a bloody haircut!'

Syed smiled softly at her. His wise little sister. 'You'll be a good Mum Shabb... Shabnam.'

Shabnam smiled and touched her slightly protruding stomach lightly as they walked down the corridor. 'I'd like to think so. You'll be a good uncle!' She paused, looking into Syed's eyes and suddenly awkward. ' I love you Syed.'

Though he didn't often say the words, especially not to his sister, they flowed as easily as honey from his lips. 'Love you too... Shabnam.'

She winked, bawdily. 'Now go – talk to Christian and have _fun, _ok?'

He was embarrassed at her implication. 'Bye...' He said, pointedly.

'Should probably get back to Asim. I dread to think what I'll be going home to. Probably a pile of rubble and Asim holding out a charred ready meal!' She laughed. 'And remember-'

'Be happy.'

She smiled, clearly satisfied he had got the message and beamed her farewell as she disappeared through the front door.

Syed felt his depression, as quickly as it had come, dissipate as he felt his head swim with purpose.

He was going to call Christian.

Syed began walking with no particular aim in mind and found to his shock, his feet were taking him to Christian's room. He cursed his subconscious. He should have been in his room, where his mobile phone was lying, discarded, after he had called Shabnam, not trespassing in Christian's room. Funny how it felt like Christian's room and not merely the 'Guest' room. He supposed it was because Christian was more than a guest really, he was a... friend.

Christian's door was ajar. Moving closer to go and close it, Syed caught sight of a piece of paper lying on Christian's bed.

Ignoring the mental voices telling him to leave it and close the door, Syed entered Christian's room. He would have felt he was trespassing and left without reading the note, had any trace that Christian had once lived there been discernible. The room was just as Syed had given it to him, an empty shroud of a room. No traces of Christian. Apart from the piece of paper...

Syed picked it up and noted, with more acceptance than surprise, that his name was written in Christian's small, neat script. Hands shaking so much, they offended him, he opened up the rest of the note:

**Syed,**

**I'm sorry to leave you without saying goodbye, but I have a feeling we would have either said things we'd regret or not been able to come back from.**

** I don't know if you'll even come in to see this note, but if you're reading this, I think you should know, I've found a place to stay.**

** Called up someone I once knew who was a bit of a drifter (yes, at midnight), and he says I can stay with him. Only problem is, he's moving to America. Well, New York to be precise. So I'm going to stay there for a while and see what life brings me. Obviously, you won't be able to get hold of me there, so if we're meant to meet again, I guess we will. This is turning out to be a very long note of farewell. **

**I'm sorry, I forgot to mention I took some money from your wallet to pay for the fare, I WILL pay you back though. I promise. **

**Even if _you _move house, I'll always be able to find _Food_, right?**

** If you're going to hate me, please don't hate me for that. It's just not fair on either of us if we live together, you have too much to sort out in your head and it's... very confusing for me being around while you do that. If you even decide to that is. It's well within your rights to just refuse to open up that (proverbial) can of worms and carry on living as you are. It would be the easiest thing to do. But it would be a damn shame for you to be so unhappy. I know, somehow, Syed, I _know_, that I made you a little bit happier.**

** I know I did. Writing this, I'm feeling like I'm being presumptuous, maybe I am, I mean I don't know how you feel but for me, it hurts. A lot. I'm feeling more unhappy at the prospect of leaving you than I ever thought I would. Now I sound like Jane bloody Eyre leaving Rochester! You're a very special person Syed, and I hope, whether the tide brings us together again or not, you find happiness. You deserve it.**

**Oh and remember how I said I was going to take that Literary theory course? Well I've gone one better, I'm going to _teach _one! I know, I can't believe it either. Turns out my friend knows someone who's retiring and we had a phone interview (yes at midnight! For me anyway) and I got the job! Looks like all those Proust debates with you were good for something! Guess, it's thanks to you that I even _remembered _I wanted to do it. Amazing how you lose yourself when you're being a philanderer of sorts. Guess you're my good luck charm, Sy. You're also a little worrier and I know you're thinking about visas, and citizenship and the like-**

-Syed wasn't but he carried on reading, his heart getting heavier as he read on:

**But it's amazing what you can get when you know someone who seems to know _everyone _in the whole of the USA.**

**Before I go, I have one more thing to say, but I don't think I will... Ok, you know what? Screw it. This is a note and it's not like I'm here to see your reaction. I lied when I said I liked you, Sy. If you want me to be honest, I think I'm falling in love with you. There. Feel free to laugh, I know I did when I realised. Now I really do have to go, and if we ever see each other again, please don't mention this note (letter, more like!). Wish me a safe journey, I'm gonna need it among all those Yanks. They won't know what's hit 'em!**

-Syed somehow saw- for his eyes were filling with tears- words that Christian had written and crossed out: Lots of love, Yours, Regards, and then saw Christian had given up and fittingly signed off with:

**Christian**

Syed felt his body bubble with emotions he couldn't quite define...all he knew was he would never see Christian again, never hear his laugh, never argue with him, never see his smile, never be _near _him again. He was gone. He had thought he could call him and they'd be able to talk and maybe meet up but it wasn't going to happen now.

And Christian thought he was falling in love with him. Love and Christian didn't seem to go together, Christian had had no qualms sharing his relationship history, whether Syed had asked for it or not, and he'd been point blank about his feelings regarding love. 'It doesn't exist, everyone wants something from you.'

Syed had asked him more but Christian had clammed up. And Christian thought he was falling in love with _him_.

Syed Masood, biggest closet case in the world. They hadn't even slept together, for goodness sake, or even kissed properly. He thought he was falling in love with him. He _really _thought he was falling in love with him. Oh no... he was gone! Syed didn't know _how _he felt about Christian, but he knew he missed him... already. Christian made him want to be different, he made him different- genuinely humorous and much more confident, he would do _anything _to hear him laugh and he loved being around him... that word again. Love. He'd always thought love was that overwhelming passion for someone that stopped you from sleeping and eating and caused that person to be the entire centre of your universe until the person got tired of it and you gave yourself completely to the next person that came along. He'd always thought love could only be between a woman and a man. He certainly didn't think it could happen so quickly...But Christian thought he was falling in love with him- it was all too _much_.

As if he was in a film, Syed watched himself from a distance as the floor rose to meet him and fluid beat in his ears until- finally and mercifully- black surrounded him and temporarily ended his turmoil.

* * *

Well... that's it for a while.

Oh and Syed isn't dead. Just in case it read like that... *hopes it didn't*


End file.
